Emerged

Maybe running away into the woods wasn’t the best idea. It’s dark in here. I don’t like this; I don’t like it one bit.  I didn’t ask to be here.  Yes, it’s my fault, and it’s my destiny, but this isn’t what I wanted…. at least not yet.

The past few weeks all I have wanted to do was eat.  Running away doesn’t make gorging on food easy, but I’ve managed.  I’ve been out here for weeks eating what I could find and in all honesty, I have doubled in size!  I’m not kidding.  When I say I’m an emotional eater, I mean it.  There were days when I would find the most precious leaves or berries and eat them even though I knew they might make me sick.  It didn’t matter.  It still doesn’t matter.  I’m dying anyway.

So now here I lay, in my makeshift hammock, full of food but not happy.  I literally cannot move my arms.  Maybe it was something I ate.  I just wish I knew how to get out of this contraption.  I only remember setting up the hammock.  When I drifted off to sleep earlier, I was looking at a sky full of stars through a canopy of leaves.  Yummy looking leaves, if I say so myself.  Hunger does strange things to one’s mind when lost in the woods!  Think maybe I’ll just try to breathe, relax, stop worrying, and try to sleep more.  If I’m lucky, maybe this is all just a bad dream.

It didn’t matter.  It still doesn’t matter.  I’m dying anyway.

Well, so much for a bad dream.  This is more like a nightmare.  It’s still dark and I can’t breathe.  I feel like I’m suffocating.  Everything feels wet, like I’m sitting in soup.  I finally could will one of my fingers to move and it feels like my body has melted.  I swear I didn’t eat any mushrooms.  I don’t think I ate any poisonous plants.  I’m telling you, my body has MELTED and I am soup!!  What the hell is going on?  I want to go back home, to be back with my friends.  I never should have left, I just didn’t want to be what they wanted me to be.  I wanted to find myself.  I wanted to be myself.  Just wanted some time alone, time to think, time to center.  Now here I am stuck in this envelope of darkness, sitting in my own bodily fluids… disintegrated.  And I’m itchy.  Can you believe that? I have no body parts to move, except the one finger that took all my energy to move, and I am itchy.  What the fuck.

Must have passed out from the thought of what I have done to myself, but things are different now.  I can move my body to some extent, though it doesn’t seem like my body.  I’m very confused.  I feel like I have, well… gained body parts, though I have lost others.  Yes, I’m sure you’re raising an eyebrow.  I’m still itchy and there are enormous arms or something on my back.  I can’t feel my legs, so I am thinking they never came back from the soup.  The good thing is, the darkness is lifting and I can see some light.  I have been looking around as much as I can to see if I can push my way out of this enclosure I have somehow ended up in.  This will sound weird, but I have been poking around with my tongue.  I don’t feel like I have a mouth anymore, more like just a tongue.  Oh, what did I do to myself?!

Finally!!  I broke a hole through the enclosure!  I just have to wiggle out of this thing since I don’t have a way to push myself out.  This isn’t easy, but I have emerged!!  I still feel wet.  The sun feels so good!  Good thing I had a little peek of light as I was finding my way out because it is so bright out here.  I look to see what has happened to my body and… Oh my God.  OH MY GOD!!  I have legs!  They’re tiny, scrawny little things, but at least I have them.  But… BUT… the most miraculous thing has happened!!!  I. Have. Wings!  I have big, beautiful, orange and black wings.  How did this happen?  Is this what my friends were talking about when they said I had to fulfill my destiny? If so… how stupid I am.  How stupid I was for running away!  I was supposed to grow into a butterfly!

I look to see what has happened to my body and… Oh my God.  OH MY GOD!!

Oh, I can’t wait to fly! Dry wings, dry!  All this time, I have been just fine walking through the woods and I just wanted people to leave me alone.  Now, soon as I can dry these wings, I will flying over the woods. 

Ok, let’s try this… Right one flaps, Left one flaps, they both flap together.  Here we go!!  This is breathtaking.  It’s beautiful.  I can see everything, flowers, leaves, birds and bees.  Oh, and those flowers look so lovely.  I am going to fly to every flower in the forest and take a sip of its nectar.  I’m so happy… to think all that fear and darkness has led to all this light and happiness.  If only I’d have known, but now… now I will never go back.  This is wonderful! This is my new life!